Granny (1999)

A group of college friends find themselves at the mercy of a murdering Granny in the middle of their prank-filled party night. They end up turning against each other as the carnage builds up...


Granny should be given some credit; it breaks the record for the least amount of time watched before we wanted every character to be killed. In the most gruesome and horrible way possible, preferably. Unfortunately the carnage as promised in the description doesn't happen until a good twenty minutes into the film (a third of the total length of the film ... A THIRD!) and the first part is spent building up the most idiotic and annoying bunch of characters you'll ever come across. We can only assume that the only reason these people hang out together is because no one else will.


The film begins with a new girl wanting to join the group (for some reason), but before she is allowed to join their sacred circle of awesomeness, she must go through some kind of initiation ritual (and no, it's not surviving twenty minutes of listening to the rest of them talk). To cut a very long story short, one by one the friends get picked off in hilariously awful ways (knitting needles through the eyes, anyone?) and instead of, oh, I don't know, RUNNING AWAY, the surviving crew decide to bleat around panicking and shouting at each other until they're all dead.

Sorry if we ruined that for you there. But the good news is, there's a nonsensical DOUBLE TWIST at the end. We won't tell you what it is. You can spend the first twenty minutes trying to guess instead of watching it.

The best part of this film is how much you wish to inflict it upon others. The characters will enrage you so much and so quickly that you can't help but cry out at the screen. But once its all over you'll want to watch the mounting anger fill the faces of your loved ones as you bring the horror of Granny upon them for the first time.


C. M.