Millennium Crisis (2007)

A violent alien species, the Kluduthu, kidnap Aurora and take her to their desert home planet because she holds a secret power which could wipe out all of humanity. But she escapes, only to find herself in the middle of a war which has been going on for millions of years. Can she fight them, or will she become one of them?




The first time I watched Millennium Crisis I was positively blown away at how awful it was. I mean, its astonishing.
What I discovered on my second viewing is that beyond the novelty of this being one of the worst films ever, it has no other redeeming features.


Millennium Crisis is impossible to follow. It centers around several alien races who are meant to be rather different. However a complete lack of budget and imagination means that everyone is a good-looking american. It quickly sets up its own dictionary of silly futuristic sci-fi rhetoric which is hard to keep up with -especially when you don't have much reason to care about anything that's going on, nor anyone its happening to- and then forces itself into a corner, having to try and explain everything using its own confusing jargon (check out the quotes page for an example).
The acting is so dire that when a character reels off to another some senseless waffle, one cant even gauge from the response whether whats just been said is a good thing or the end of the world. There's just no weight to anything. Its pointless.
It plods along from one badly dressed set to the next, becoming more confusing and less engaging.


Its not, however, as bad as, say, Paranormal Ascendancy. Even if it cant be understood at least the dialogue is audible. And there were a few enjoyable moments preventing us all from slipping into comas. The infrequent CGI of alien landscapes and spaceships laughably look like they've been rendered on a Playstation. Someone wields a (very homemade-looking) three-barreled gun, complete with three wonky laser sights. A woman decides to come to a sword fight topless. Ted Raimi makes an appearance (too little too late) as a nerdy space-archaeologist.
Unfortunately none of this is enough to fully counteract the senselessness of the narrative.


If you are ever curious enough to want to know how low a low-budget sci-fi film can get then look no further. If that single curiosity is strong enough you may even make it through without wanting to tear your eyes out. But if you expect anything else then expect also to be a dribbling mess come the end. You have been warned.


C.